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I hate the HELL my brother puts us through with his damn alcoholism. He is dragging us down with him and I am sick of him. I am so PISSED at him right now and just want to hate on him, call him everything under the sun. Its so confusing and irritating and scary all in one. I see the hurt and sadness on my mom's face, he makes her cry, and I feel so helpless and he makes me feel stupid because he is so manipulative and can easily trick me into thinking he's sober when he's not, he's lied to me and I didn't know the difference. Little Fucker! Something BAD is going to happen eventually, he is either going to lose EVERYTHING and live on the streets, or WORSE end up DEAD! Death scares me more than anything else, but the thought he could kill an innocent person while driving drunk is ten times worse! I don't know if he would be able to even live with himself if killed someone else. I sometimes find myself wondering if there is EVER going to be an End insight or is this the rest of our lives. What the hell is god doing? Why is he doing this to us? Is he punishing us or teaching us? Its ALL so scary and confusing and scary. Well they're off, my parents are on their way BACK to San Diego to deal with the little fucker and sober him AGAIN. I've had it, he got another DUI a few weeks ago and I am thinking about writing a letter to the Judge who preside over the little fucker's case. I am going to pour my heart out and ask that he or she consider locking fucker's ass up in REHAB for a year or MORE, or force him onto Antabuse and campral. Errr I am so lost! Oct 6 11:55 AM MST